He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's just like the Real World with babies
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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