I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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