My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
