I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
