If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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