It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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