Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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