It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
