I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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