You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
