He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
