Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
