To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
