K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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