My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
