I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
