My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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