I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
