"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
