The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
