Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
