dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
