Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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