Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
nutella sex= disaster
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
