Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i think my cat just said my name.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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