dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
