The maid of honor just puked.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
