I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
