I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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