omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
