wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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