so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
