last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
