I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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