I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
3pm strippers are depressing
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize