I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
