it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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