He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
