he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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