hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
