Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
