Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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