I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
