I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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