I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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