Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
