Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
