she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
