i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
