I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
