dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
