I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Houston, we have a blender
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
