I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
