I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
