trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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