yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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