i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
