I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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