I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
